So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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