It's Friday. Sex?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
