my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
3pm strippers are depressing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
