She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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