I think I won the penis lottery.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
