I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
