I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
