Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
