fuck your aforementioned shoe
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
