Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
