Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
