Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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