One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
