I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
