Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could teleport
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
