i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
