Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
