Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
