I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
