This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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