I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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