Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
