We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
