she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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