dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
