I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
