Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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