4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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