I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
