I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
