You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
