Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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