Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
