There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
