is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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