So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
