How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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