Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
