Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
