He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
