Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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