you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We talked him into tasing himself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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