so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
