You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
