and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
