It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
