Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
