Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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