and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
