Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
