i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
