i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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