his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
