I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dicks are not precious.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
