how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
